Today’s article is brought to you by my friend, Beth Harrell. She serves as the women’s ministry director at Old North Church in Warren, OH.
To my young fresh faced daughters in their 20’s:
Do you feel old yet? Have you begun to wish you looked or felt different? Have you given in to the plea of advertisers telling you that anti-aging cream only works if you start now? Do you have a 12 step skincare routine that involves expensive potions and red lights and a vampire’s aversion to the beautiful sun? Are your food choices so restrictive that they require a 3 ring notebook and an interpreter?
I myself have spent a decent amount of time in the last decade or so, wishing for other things. The cardio ability of my youth. The jean size of my coworker. The smooth skin of the three of you. And I have simultaneously convinced myself that I’m still cool; that I can still hang in there with you girls. And that I’m certainly way, Way, WAY cooler than your grandma was at my age.
As Shakespeare said, “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.”
Honesty requires me to admit that there really is only one question that matters in regards to growing older. And so in the rich tradition of every mother, everywhere, telling their children things they don’t really hear and won’t understand until much later, I pose that question to you, hoping to help you avoid the pitfalls of aging that seem to plague every woman who isn’t three years old.
Are you spending more time and energy on your aging skin or your aging soul?
My guess is that you just rolled your eyes. It sounds exactly like something a mom would say, doesn't it? But I think you could admit that it’s also a little uncomfortable. It’s a question you don’t want to answer. I certainly didn’t love it at first. But upon reflection, it’s convicting in the best way. If I believe what the Bible says is true, then I have to admit I’m spending way too much time obsessing about temporary things. Why do I never forget to put on moisturizer and eat more protein, yet I can go days without spending time in prayer? Ouch.
You know the older Christian women in our lives that I refer to as “sparkly?” Ellen and Esther and Margie? I don’t know if it was intentional and they would probably scoff at the compliment but I think they are sparkly because they are women who have gone through significant trials and yet remain impossibly youthful in a way that has nothing to do with their physical characteristics. As I survey their lives, I can narrow down 3 things they all have consistently done.
First, they showed up to church on every Sunday possible. You should too. Even when it’s inconvenient or you don’t want to go. Attendance of course doesn’t guarantee salvation. And another letter could be written about what you need to be doing at church once you are there, but consistent church attendance creates a rhythm in life that is hard to ignore later on. It leads to community with people, other than your dad and I, that can sound the alarm when things go off track. Preferably that church would have a multi-generational congregation. Choose intentional and purposeful Christian discipleship. Put yourself in a place where there are Christian people older than you. If you are consistently around joyful christians who have reached mature years, you begin to realize that aging is a blessing, not a disease.
Secondly, they committed to renewing their mind. You should too. Part of the routine of these dear women’s lives was involvement in Bible studies and community groups. They were saturating their brains with the word of God. Paul says in Colossians to “Set your minds on things above not on things that are on earth.” How do we know what things are above? We read the Bible. Whenever we can. Alone and with other people. Delight yourself in it because then you will be delighting in God and then HE will give you the things you should desire. Psalm 37:4 Unlike almost anything else you will ever spend time doing, reading the Bible multiplies the minutes spent doing it.
Finally, they were actively working towards deep contentment. You should too. Wishing for something or anything else, material, physical or otherwise is when we start to waste time “fixing” things that are temporary. When we start comparing ourselves to others, we fall down a rabbit hole that is very difficult to climb out of. Maybe you think that contentment isn't a problem for you right now. Things are going pretty good and you don’t think you are wishing for other things. (I would say that the above mentioned creams and potions say otherwise). But as you grow older and the lives and seasons of your friends change, discontentment will grow. And yet, contentment is a posture towards life that you can develop before you need it. Remember always the full context of Paul’s call in Philippians 4:13. That the secret to doing all things is contentment.
Showing up at church, reading the Bible, and being content seem like oversimplified prescriptions for the ails of aging, but they are the only remedies that will give lasting results. Ask any other Christian you know and I bet they will agree. I can hardly wait to see how the Lord shapes and molds you as you begin to navigate some of life’s biggest decisions. Your dad and I will have a front row seat to everything that is in store. But in order to be prepared for all of that, I hope that you are doing the only things that ACTUALLY prepare you for aging.
I suppose I also need to say that you shouldn’t feel convicted to stop your workout routine or your meal plan or your skin care routine. There's nothing inherently wrong with any of those things. But I beg you to hold them loosely. Very loosely. If rigid wellness beliefs cause you to decline to the offer of a chat with grandma over a piece of black raspberry pie because you've used up your calories for the day, or you hurry away an inquisitive neighbor because you are on your way to the gym or you say no to dinner with a hurting friend because you need to start your mud mask, then your beliefs about the control of your life are gravely misplaced.
I recently heard a pastor at a wedding pray for the bride's beauty and it might be the best thing I have heard in awhile. I’m praying the same for you now as you face this brand new day, with a fresh perspective on the minutes, days, months and years that may or may not be ahead.
“God, please give my girls the inner beauty of a soul that never fades and the eternal youth that is found in holding fast to the things that never age.”
Amen. Amen. Amen.